Organized thoughts......kinda

I like to think of myself as “chaotically organized”, I have the best of intentions when it come to keeping my house clean and organized but to be honest after coming home from work or on the weekends all I really want to do is curl up with my iPad and read a book. Now when I am all curled up and reading my brain is revolting, generally it is screaming “HEY NICKLE!!! GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND CLEAN THE HOUSE, WE BOTH KNOW YOU HAVE THE ENERGY/STAMINA!! DON’T MAKE ME CAUSE ISSUES JUST SO YOU WILL MOVE!!” I tend to try and ignore my brain when it is saying this, muttering to myself that while I know that is what I should be doing I just don’t want to! When I do get into a cleaning/organizing streak well watch out, for however long it lasts I just don’t stop, and it gets to a point where I become Stepford mom crazy about keeping the house clean.

To be honest besides the normal everyday stuff in the house that needs to be taken care of I am not going to get around to anything major until the Spring, and this is not me being Lazy, it’s that because the house were in is heated by our Wood Stove the major area that I want to organize “the sun room and sheds” are out in the –14 cold and I don’t want to bundle up to clean :D I will be making more progress on the bedroom within the next few weeks, I need to get everything washed and then sorted so that I can donate what I do not need, this should help with getting the bedroom a bit better organized. Next will be tackling the linen closet and bathroom, and then finally the boys rooms *Anthony has his own room, and his own organizing and I am not going to try and understand it :)* The kitchen and the living room are both ok, we need to move some things around in order for the flow to be a bit better but to be honest it is working okay right now.

While I am on the topic of organizing, I want to...no need to get our finances in order and start to budget us monthly, if my calculations are close to correct I think were missing something when it comes to where our money is going, if that is the case we should be able to be debt free by next year which will mean we can start looking at the bigger things that we normally are not able to do with the kids. I have started to organize this by keeping a document of all of our bills, my paystubs, and our receipts, this way we should be able to see what is going on to cause this money to slip away. I know that some of the issue is that I am bad for paying bills on time in the past, which meant that when the bill got paid it was more than expected, if I can set up my online banking to just remove what needs to be removed then I will not have an issue with overdraft and we can start to rebuild our credit! I am only 24 it’s time to get this fixed so that way I am not running into the issues I see some of my older friends hitting.

What I really need to do is get myself to a point where I am getting up in a timely manner in the morning so that I can get my day started early, I find when I get up and moving at home before going to work the better I am in the evening, I am not falling asleep at 7pm because I am not staying active.

I think it is time to work out a loose schedule for me, I don’t need the military structure that I had growing up I think that I can function fine with more of a general schedule, a time to get up, a time to go to bed, and then any specific time dependant scheduling (longer than normal chores, like laundry so that way it is done before I go to bed!), I do enjoy having a clean house the feel of accomplishment that I get from achieving this.

I guess while I am organizing my schedule and my finances I should try and organize myself, I need to start improving my health, not because I need to lose weight or I am concerned about how I look but I have a family that is filled with a history of negative health issues. If I start to improve myself now then if I should become sick or develop the issues that are in my family I will be better prepared to deal with them. Kath has spoken of some of the exercise programs she has done and there were a few that intrigued me, things that I can do that are not going to cause me to many time issues nor cause too much of a hiccup in my time schedule, I have access to a gym right by work and I have considered joining since I can stop on my way to work or my way home, I think on my way into work would be best, it would help with waking up and getting my day going!

The revolving door that is my mind this morning has now brought my thoughts to an upcoming fashion/play party that Master and I are attending with our “family”, Janca my sister is selling her corsets and other clothing items and has requested my assistance in modeling them/selling them, then in the evening were going to our first play party in like a year, I am super nervous this is like being a total newb all over again!!

Connor is leaving tomorrow to go home to Iowa until June, I think I will sign off and go spend some time with the little pain in the arse :)

See you tomorrow!

On topic......doubtful!

Today I am thinking about the future, we keep hearing all about how the world is going to end in 2012 and how everything is going to be changing etc etc, personally I don’t believe that the world is going to end, however it has made me focus on my life and my perspective of things.

Stress, I am sick of it! I hate the fact that 90% of the arguments that I end up in with Master is due to the fact that I am stressing out! I am not saying that having arguments in a relationship is bad, everyone fights and there are times that fighting is a good thing :) it is cathartic, gets out the things you have been dying to say, maybe thinking about throwing things at his head is bad but I feel better because of it. Most of the time I will admit that I am generally throwing some sort of a temper tantrum because I am tired and just not feeling good, Master tries his hardest to not provoke me but I still get extra worked up, at which point he will either tell me to stop or he will threaten to send me to my room/the corner. I wish he would just send me to my room or the corner because it just makes me calm down a lot quicker, there is less crying and it also helps me realize that I am not going to get away with any of my crap. I know that sometimes he has a hard time with putting his foot down but it is something were both working on, what we need to really develop is a schedule for me, I do much better when there is structure and rules in place that if I leave them without consulting him I get punished. Because of the changes we have gone through in the last 2 years (moving, having Anthony move in full time, and health problems) we have let a lot of our structure just go poofy, and to be honest I am not the greatest “slave” to begin with.

To clarify when I say I am not the greatest slave to begin with, this is not my normal lack of self esteem talking, I am not putting myself down when I say it this time. What I am saying is that I do not naturally move into the slave role, I need to be forced there and then kept there with his firm hands guiding me, without this I start to revert back to what I call “work Nicole”, she takes no shit, she talks back, and honestly the best plan is to just stay the hell away from her :D I try and revert back into my more submissive side but I am not sure how to “flip the switch”

Lately I have been reading Fet and some blogs that I follow in a bid to show myself that I am not a freak for not being instantly submissive, and that this can be normal especially when I go from 9 hours at work of having to be dominant to coming home to the complete reverse, to be honest I think a majority of my issue is that I end up with all of these feelings and I never actually get to express them. I should be writing in my journal that Master gave me but I haven’t, I expect that I will end up writing in my blog and anything that is too personal to share I will just have set to my view only that way Master can see it but you guys don’t have to hear about my more explicit stuff :D

Wow looking at what I have wrote just shows how off the topic I am getting lately....that's not good :D Onto other updates, I have recently become addicted to Pinterest.com, it’s an online PinBoard that allows you to save and “Pin” ideas, and websites for you to revisit, when I say addicted I mean ADDICTED :D I purchased a sewing machine and am trying to teach myself how to sew more things, I successfully made new Kitchen Curtains, I would like to make new ones for the Bedroom and the Sun porch.

We have moved back to Niagara Falls where I spent my high school years, I like our new place a lot! There is more room, the kitchen is amazing, we actually have storage space, and it came with a lovely covered deck and Hot Tub!! The move has been great, the distance to work was reduced, and the distance to Anthony's school was increased so were pretty much spending the same on travel.

I think at this point where we are is good, Master and I need to get some more of the structure back into our relationship, while I would love to play more, and have more sex, what I really need is the structure and the discipline to be reintroduced.

Well since I have managed to get off topic completely today, I am going to close up for today, I hope to be back tomorrow with some more to say :s