Going Well

I need to just make a note of this, I have been posting regularly (woot), and things with the trip are looking up I am kind of beginning to feel.......... positive? I know that going home is going to be tight money wise for spending but I will find a way to deal with it and make things work!!

squeee!!!! I am very excited and for once I am thinking positive!!

This is so much fun!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Nickle

p.s. I think since I am feeling a little more positive that the ( woot, and squeeee ) are allowed variations to me actually making those noises all the time, and that's that!

I can speke welz

So on the way into work today Kath and I were having a discussion about people and their inability to spell correctly. Now I have been raised in the sense that how you write/speak/message is a reflection of your intelligence. Now I am not the worlds best speller ( I am not retarded but I do use spellcheck when it is available) but I make an effort to not come across as dumb.

My brother is a horrible speller and I attribute this to two separate things, one I believe my brother has mildly dyslexia and that he did not recieve help soon enough, second my brother is lazy and would rather just type and forget it than try, but when other people come across this way I don't know what to say, yes they too might have a learning disorder but they also just might be lazy and not care how there coming across. 

Facebook has a built in spellcheck, and if I am wrong about this then I know for a fact that the internet browsers (minus opera) do because I use the spellcheck. I am that old at 21 and it generally confuses people when I don't act like an idiot who wants to go get smashed and party all the time, I would rather have fun with friends and read a book than be a poster child for abstinence, I would like to think that when I write and when I speak that is how I come across as an intelligent, mature, person who is not an embarrassment to have around. 

I am not saying that I don't act dumb sometimes because I do and I know it is one of the things people like about me but I have to ask the mis-spellers out there...

Please use spellcheck because "no" does not equal "know" and "arownd" is not "around", thanks Nicole!

xoxoxoxox

Nickle

p.s. In this post I used spellcheck around 15 times, see it is possible!!

Updates

Went into the travel agent today and everything was sorted out YAY tickets were there proper price and I was happy!

Having said that apparently i need a new birth certificate and i need it yesterday as I cannot get my passport without a new one, ugh seriously can the stress come any worse!

edit: got the birth certificate ordered so here's my fingers crossed, Megan got hers in 3 days so....
xoxoxox

nickle

Blocked By a Bitch named KAT

So one of my best friends in the world is Ben. We worked together at Timmie's and suffered the horrible torture of that place and he became a very awesome friend, a very awesome friend who stood by me when the shit rained down on me thanks to the jackass I refer to as the "ex" after 2 years of torment at the "ex's" hands Ben was there and helped me up when I felt like giving up he was a life saver and I credit him to the day of stopping the loss of my life ( these were some very very dark times) anyhow Ben and I tried the dating thing for all of 1-2 months but I just was not ready and I broke his heart and I broke it really bad but he never stopped being my friend.

After a long extended break Rob and I came to be together and I felt guilty that I had never returned the feelings Ben had for me as I know knew what he felt but still he was there as a friend. Ben moved to Toronto and developed a life there and that was great, I missed him but that was his life he is a city boy through and through and I have known this from the start. While there he would tell me some things about the girls he was dating or getting involved with and they all seemed nice but never good enough for my benny boo boo, then he got into a relationship with KAT.

He spoke of her so much when we talked and he seemed so happy I was so happy for him and could not wait to meet her, finally someone to return the love this amazing guy could give, but alas I am apparently not good enough for Ben now, After messaging who I thought was Ben it turns out it was KAT I said okay awkward but I will try to get along and what does the Bitch say "well I am going to delete and block you now k" alright first off you sorority fuck wit don't mess with me or my friends because I will take you out and deadly, second do you really think the only place Ben and I talk is msn your dumb I thought hello I have the cell, home, and work numbers because he talks to me not the other way around.

He was going to be there for my wedding (wait what KAT you didn't realize I was in a committed and loving relationship and I am not trying to steal your fucking boyfriend) ugh god damn it seriously I am so pissed off right now!!

well Ben it's your life but remember who your friends are and who's been there.....

xoxoxox
nickle

March Time

So I guess I left things kinda loose ended after yesterdays post and I wanted to finish it up a bit you know for the sake of my reader ...... readers? 

Alright well on the whole 7,000 + tax mess I have decided to take it one day at a time and not let it super dooper stress me out I mean I do not want premature grays and wrinkles thanks to my travel agent :) 

On the subject of Lisa's blog and the light it has shined on me, I fully intend to take advantage of the new outlook, I am going to try and look at life in a more optimistic way, I wont always be able to do this but I will try.

I know that it has been a very long very murky couple of blogs but I hope you guys wont hold it against me that I am being kinda down, but things will pick up I know they will!!

xoxoxoxox

nickle

Can it get worse??

So I thought things were looking up, an amazing couple that Master and I are friends with gave us the money to get our tickets and it just seemed like it was going well. We went this morning to get the tickets booked and as an added bonus they booked my brother, mom put the charge on her card and we were set. I was finally allowing myself to get excited, Fuck I made a count down at work till I was leaving and I could not wait to tell my lil brother ( I asked my parents to not tell him so I could surprise him, Man he was so excited) anyhow we were going over the etickets and the travel agent booked my brothers ticket properly then I take a look at mine and the price (which was cut off) is 7,000 before taxes.............what the fuck!! seems like he miss clicked and booked us on first class on one of the flights, seriously I cannot afford this.


This is too much, I was just beginning to get excited and then this happens it's like nothing is going to go right. I am so sick of it all, and I feel so bad because Master is trying to keep my spirits up but all I feel is like screaming "I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY THERE IS NO REASON TO BE!!!"

And then I remind myself how selfish I am, yah I am behind in my bills, yah I fear losing hydro and feeding ourselves but there are people out there who are much worse off, Today a blog I read on a very regular basis had a post about a woman named Lisa who had lost her 3rd battle with aggressive ovarian cancer, but she had kept herself up she was a fighter and was an amazing woman. So after reading Dave's' post I linked over to her blog http://clusterfook.com/ and began at the beginning of her blog and I was floored, here I am sitting at work holding in tears as I read this amazing womans blog about her fights with cancer and the amazing ability that the blogging community rallied to help her and sent her and her husband Dude and her two young girls Cam and Teenie to Disney World before there mother and wife got worse. Lisa passed away to her cancer yesterday and now all I can think about is how she managed to be an amazing person and face such a scary thing without becoming upset and desolate.

And here I am whining over a plane ticket, my health is good, my life is good, I have nothing to be so desolate over and nothing to get stressed about. Maybe Master is right maybe things will work out and I should stop stressing and driving myself crazy. I have amazing friends that are there for me thick and thin, Kath and her wacky sense of humor who is my friend but can understand me when I need super young like a baby advice, Jay Kaths awesome husband who has sparked a love of everything comic in me and lets my inner geek out and has taken me in as a friend even when I am a nutter, Sweezy, your one of a kind and I love you so much your a confidante, a best friend and amazing (or is it Awesome?) I could not believe not having you in my life since meeting you at the hell, Matt and Nadia both so separate but so a package, Matt the generous things that you did for me in this time and the love you emit when I am around, Nadia your amazing and I cannot wait till your back so I can drag your sexy ass to coffee and just cry and cry to get it out, My three stepsons who are the greatest kids in the world and they make me so happy each time I hear their voice or see their face, yah they drive me bonkers but I would never change them in a million years, there are so many other friends who I am missing but I have lost all hope of thinking right now.

My Family your in a category all your own, Dad I am a female carbon copy of you, stubborn, an ass, and generally a big idiot because of my temper and mouth, but your so amazing and you challenge me to be better and to make myself better, I love you Dad. Mom your such a support system you make me feel so much better and your such an amazing friend whether I need a hug, a ride or a good kick in the ass you deliver it with love, I love you Mom. Travis, TJ, Pinky, your my little brother and you have been a thorn in my Master plan since birth...... but your amazing, each day I see you grow so much and the young man you are and are going to be astounds me, do I get pissed at you Hell yah you drive me bonkers and I don't want to see you make the same mistakes that I dragged Mom and Dad Through it's just not right in my mind, so I try and challenge you try and make you a better person, I want you to succeed and know that you can always come to me for advice and help as I routinely come to you, I Love you TJ!!

Robert, Master, Soul mate, Best Friend, My World, My Everything, I cannot live in a world without you nor do I want to. My love for you grows exponentially and I cannot expect it to ever stop. I get mad and yell and scream and I say things that I instantly regret knowing I have hurt you but you need to know that I am never leaving you, us, this, your my life and your the only person I see through the storm and your the only one I want to see there, this will never change and I need you to know this. I am the worst kind of girl to get in a relationship with as I seem to try and sabotage my own happiness (who needs enemies right :P) but as one of my sacred vows I will try and stop I will try and keep it down, and I will walk down the aisle and pledge myself to you again and again if that's what it takes. I LOVE you Robert, I Love you my Master.

So my post has been long winded and lengthily and I hope you might have made it to the bottom, know if I missed you I love you too.

xoxoxoxoxox
nickle

Pondering

Alright so I sit here at my desk pondering things.... will I be able to get the money for the plane ticket together? Will I be able to figure everything out in time for the wedding next year? And where did I put the batteries for my mouse it is driving me batty.

Lately I have been feeling less than happy, it seems that being positive is a waste of my time as I just keep being let down by myself and that is difficult to absorb. I had a mini break down the other day where I just said fuck it, why not be a pessimist and then when good things happen it is a lift rather being optimist and feeling squashed.. But I don't want to be a pessimist I want to be happy and goofy and enjoy my life as it come hurling towards me with reckless abandon. I like being the crazy girl, who tries anything once and is willing to go to the limit, so why does it always seem the happy girl gets squashed and let down? Well I am not going to let it happen or at least I am going to keep trying to be happy and believe that in the end things will come together in some way or another.

xoxoxoxo nickle